In Memoriam

So on Sunday when my friend from primary school, who used to be my then best-friend and hence was part of/responsible for much of the drama in the formative years, bumped into me at the mall, I was extremely blase.

A mere, "Ah look at you, how are you then?" and I stopped. She was probably a little nonplussed. She answered. I nodded all happy and said, "Okay then, see you around" and walked away.

I didn't used to behave that way.

My usual behaviour included but wasn't restricted to jumping in place, waving my arms all over the place, pulling them in for bear-hugs and even planting a few chaste kisses all the time screaming, "Tell me everything, what's your number? We have to stay in touch now that I met you again!"

In fact, she had previously once received just that treatment.

Now I know friendship and most other relationships have a sell-by date.

And people move on.

It's a good thing.

Especially when you realise you have nothing in common anymore.

Especially when you lose respect for the person they have become/are becoming.

Especially when any conversation you have involves merely putting someone else down in the guise of being clever and funny.

Especially when you no longer trust the person or the relationship.

Especially when meetings involve a lot of liquor and mindless laughter and little else.

Especially when they start to think, act, and may be even tell you to your face that they are no longer interested in conversation but in just having a good time.

Especially when it involves throwing a lot of needless "you bitch" around and covering all the negativity with "I'm joking, ra".

Especially when the thought of spending time with "friends" begins to feel like an ordeal.

Especially when you start going prepared for scenes.

Especially when you begin to feel that you are being invaded and thrust upon.

Especially when lines are crossed and then shoulders are shrugged and what's the big deal or whatevers are uttered.

Especially when you are made to feel guilty for feeling. Like somehow it's your fault - too 'serious'; too 'stuck-up'; too 'needy'; too 'clingy'; too God-forbid 'intense'.

So it's fine. Life goes on. Happier, less negative. We all make newer friends who come with their own shelf-life.

Only sometimes I wonder if all my ex-bestfriends miss me.

I know I do. Sometimes it even hurts.

But sometimes it hurts even when they are around and that's just so much worse and then you know it's time they became the ex.

Praise the Lord, it's now dead. And I... I grew up.

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