It's called worrying yourself sick. And I think I've become a champion at that.
Heartbreak is not by any standards a crisis. Plenty of people go through that. Hell, I've been through that myself before. But I guess, I was stronger then.
And now I am an 82 going on 28 and wondering if a mere heartbreak and PTSD (Post Traumatic Sarala Disorder) can induce fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism, then what on earth would I do if I ever get convicted of murder falsely as happens in The Shawshank Redemption!?
Rejoice peoples, I am a movie buff now!
So in my previous place of work, I was running this feature called Top 10 on the intranet. And when we did Top 10 movies of all times, guess which movie became number 1? The Shawshank Redemption. And apparently, it's the top 1 in every such list about movies.
And I didn't see what the hype was all about!
Sure, that man can count and do tax calculations and help swindle money (skills I've always wanted) and Morgan Freeman has a great voice, and it is a moving plot - along the lines of Papillon and the latest Jeffrey Archer, A prisoner by birth. But really what is so stupendous about it?
The message of hope?
Hope is just such buggering bollocks. As long as you hope, you are stuck in a rut. It's only when you stop hoping can you do something about life.
The message that you can escape your situation no matter what it is with grim determination, some specialized skill, and a few good friends?
The message that good triumphs over evil?
But I cannot willfully suspend disbelief when I am watching a movie which is rather strange because I can totally do it while reading a book, and so throughout the movie, I was like, "Yea right, now that will happen!"
If it were real life, poor Andy would have got some freaky illness, that really has no cure; something that has to be endured. And the infirmary would refuse to give him painkillers because you can get addicted to them and he'd have had to ask Red to smuggle him weed or LSD to escape the pain. Also the sodomy episodes would've so crushed his spirits, he'd forget what 2+2 is much less do complicated swindling through numbers. Think about it. It would be like Requiem for a Dream (another movie that's so overrated).
Saw this other movie called Caramel, all about sisterhood, tackling love, right and wrong. Since now I'm a sworn believer in the Unbearable Wrongness of Being, this movie actually spoke to me even though it has a nice and tidy happy ending. I also discovered Beirut which is the capital of Lebanon and a place I so want to visit now.
In conclusion peoples, deep down inside when there is a lot of pain, you cannot go around becoming a champion sponsoring beer out of skill and cleverness. You'd want to be left alone so you could pray that you will someday get better and open doors by yourself, or hold a litre of water, without wincing in pain.
And in real life, good is so overshadowed by evil. And in real life, we are always dying - a little each day with all our worries and ailments.
And redemption? What will that be?
A numb forgetfulness? A fog over the past? A really good painkiller? Sleep of the deep kind? Plenty of movies that will challenge you and make you want to write? A bitch fight on your blog?
What is it that will make you want to live again?
Now see that's the thing about real life - you never know the end till the end.