Now hope if you ask me is a fucking bitch. So long as you are hoping there is a part of you that refuses to accept what's been done. The hope never really lets you give up.
I have found that in today's world it makes sense to give up when you can't take it anymore. I mean, look at the number of divorcees around you. For better or for worse, they stepped out of their vows to each other. And are now trying to be true to themselves. They have tried or they haven't but they have all given up.
Now that is my fuck up. I guess it comes from being a stubborn, mulish, indecisive cusp between Taurus and Gemini. Even when half of me wants to fly away and explore new things, the bull in me won't allow me to say, 'bullshit, this isn't working; I quit.' No Sir, the bull just sits there patient, waiting, hoping, and feeding me all this stuff about being persistent and not giving up on your beliefs.
I lost years of my life in hope and in belief. And I am doing that again.
I keep hoping. Oh, it's raining today? By Diwali, I hope the clouds have cleared. I hope the next week just whizzes by fast, speedily on mercurial wings, I hope November comes soon with lots of good stuff. I hope this is just a joke or a test and soon I will be back to where I was - madly in love with a man who loves me the same way, and thrills me with all that he says and does. I hope that my job uncertainties will end now that I'm finally in a place where I really do like what I am doing. I keep hoping my dad will quit smoking. I keep hoping that I can show my parents a really good time soon. I keep hoping to get out of where I am and stand tall and unafraid of all that life is throwing at me. I keep hoping I will grow up and stop acting 22.
I keep hoping that one day I will wake up and the hope would be gone and I will be free.
Looks like we never give up. Shut up, Shaggy.
Ah, FUCK OCTOBER.