Okay, I will admit it. I was a coward. When I heard new Kannadiga Brahmin Aunty was coming home today (early in the freaking morning - who drops in at 8 am?) to make friends with the "only Kannadiga Brahmins in the area", I stayed in bed.
It would've been a scandal to wake up and go say hello anyway.
My mom would've asked me what I had planned for the day and I'd have told her I'm meeting all my boys for beeru and chicken. Shock. Scandal. Ostracism.
Not that I ever speak to my mom like that. No, normally I'd just say I'll meet my boys, go out somewhere, do something. And I never say 'beeru'. But we've already established I like drama.
And while I stayed in bed waiting for her to leave so I could begin my day, I learnt another typical Kannadiga style of conversing - complaining about things to show how great you are.
Everything is one big kashta (difficult) but you have to go on and solve it anyway.
The moral being, you can solve so much kashta because you are you - bigger, better, and brighter.
"Oho, nice house. Ours is very small. When a house is big, cleaning is such a problem, you know."
Translates to - we bear the burden of living in a small house because we are such clean people.
"We've had to move from Basveshvarnagar. All our relatives are still there. They are coming now for the pooja. So far the distance is, no? They'll probably have to take buses this time."
Translates to - we (who have 40 cars) have been reduced to traveling by the public transport system. Such sacrifice!
And the last one:
"My daughter is in Infosys. An okay job in that company. When they learnt she is going to have a baby, they begged her to use a laptop and even offered to give her internet connection, you know. But she refused it. She said, 'It's up to you to keep me or let me go. I am never going to work from home.' My daughter is like that. She doesn't care about work and all. My daughter is okay even if she loses the job; but Infosys won't let her go. Ayyo, what is in work anyway?!"
Translates to - nothing really. Because her daughter could afford anything but Infy is certainly not like that.
And that's when my mom told her, "Oh Infosys? My daughter also worked there for over two years."
Kannadiga Brahmin Aunt suddenly remembered that it was still early morning and she had loads of work to do. 'If you have a house, there are so many things you have to take care of, you know?
My atypical Kannadiga Brahmin mom just said okay.